2010

20101231

2010.
That marks the first 10 years of this millenium.

To me, this was an important year.
A year of new experience and challenges.
A year full of happiness and sadness.
A year of regret.

- A short year. 8 months of education. 4 months of hibernation.
- Met a great bunches of people, albeit crazy, that made me swear alot more in more than one languages. Truly grateful to have met them. You know who you are if i know you this year and haven't stopped talking to you yet.
- Despite uni and widening ours social network, those who kept in contact, good shit.
- Experienced both extreme happiness and sadness within a month.
- Regretted not doing something. Regretted that i did something. Full of them.

Lovin this shit.
High hopes for 2011.

my new theory.

A person is made up of three things; MIND, BODY, and SOUL.

Your mind and body can be easily explained but my theory focuses on the explanation of the soul.

Lets put aside everything and start off with the soul.
The soul is something that lives on, despite life and death. Life and Death is just a cycle... a phase, that repeats itself over and over again within the course of your soul.

SOUL + BODY = MIND

Each new life, your SOUL inhabits a BODY, which forms your MIND. Your MIND draws suppressed memories from your past life cycle while learning new things in its current life. Everything you learnt see saw and done, is automatically recorded in your SOUL.

Think of it as a hard drive. Theres a limit to how much information your MIND can hold but there isn't to your SOUL. Your SOUL can hold an infinite amount of information. That's why it is easy to put information in, but hard to take out, as you are trying to take out a specific file from an infinite space. But your MIND will get full eventually and you have to delete files to create room, and so you forget things. But these things are still stored within your SOUL, and with time and luck, you can take this information back out from your SOUL and store it back into your MIND.

Due to this, events from your past life can indirectly affect your current one. Although your MIND has no memories from your past life, it is still stored within your SOUL. And through unexpected situations, a person maybe able to accidentally tap into their SOUL and take out a random memory or emotion.

For example a person maybe afraid of swimming even though they never had any accident or trauma with it before. They just... don't want to go near it. This could be because that this person was drowned in their past life and it is stored as a strong memory in their SOUL. So strong that it somehow reaches their MIND without them knowing.

Some might say that this cannot be true as population is increasing how can the SOUL live on? Does it split and increase then? But what if there is a fixed number of SOULS in the universe? How can you say that this isn't possible?
If so, then SOULS can also come from other planets, not only Earth. The context of their memories might be different but emotions cannot differ that much as it is what makes up a society.

my team.

What if one day there is a zombie outbreak, and you have to assemble your own Left 4 Dead team, who will you choose? If you have to choose 3 other people to join you, 3 other ANYONE, fictional or not, but cannot be a god, demon or just purely imba, who will you choose?

First Choice: Snorlax
I’ll purposely make him bitten to become a zombie, then call him back to my pokeball, having a ZOMBIE SNORLAX under my command.



Second Choice: Erza Scarlet
Just so.


Third Choice: Ulquiorra
Just cos.

hmmmph.

Recently i think i'm losing myself.

Losing myself on who i am.
I know i changed alot this year, it may or may not be obvious, some people might be able to see it and some might not. But i'm sure because i'm.... me!

I have several group of friends, and i naturally, act differently (actually somewhat VERY different) while i'm with each one. I may be abit more cocky in one, abit more playful in one, abit more quiet in another. I'm not ... being fake or hypocritical (maybe not the best word to use in this situation) but it's just purely how i interact with these different people. The people in a specific group might have this common interest which we can all share on. We can joke about it etc. and this largely affects how we interact with each other. Which therefore affects how i act in that particular group. Though i think it's fine to have a 'mask' for different people. Even in everyday life you have a different mask to face your family, your friends, your tutor, your work mates, they can't all be the same.

And i just started thinking; How do i act when i'm with a complete stranger? What am i like? Who am i?

Just be yourself.

Is there a side of me just for strangers or is that just... myself? Or is it when all those different personas of me add up together, that makes me up? How can you ever truly be yourself?

So sometimes i think i should change, don't be so... restricted, act differently in different groups. Be more outgoing in the quiet group and abit more serious in the playful group.

And now i think i just fucked myself up.

Sunday

I probably have the worst week ever, but the best Sunday this whole year.
Black Friday? Pffft.

So i think.

Life is just like that. Something bad happens but... you just can't expect what might come after.

睇開啲? 隨緣? 平常心? 也許吧.

Why spend so much time thinking on things that doesn't matter anymore, but instead thinking of what i can do tomorrow?
Wasting so much time. My time. My youth.

"In the end, it doesn't really matter."

Friends.
You don't need +1000 'friends'. You only need a few true ones.

Like you, someone who i haven't seen/spoken to in ages, will just tell me to rage at you while you listen.
Or you, who i haven't known for a very long time will offer me a chance to talk through our ... similar problems in life, knowing that i seriously need someone to talk to.
Libras.

And/or/maybe my bros who'll just get wasted at night + starting off the day with some fucking mega awesome french toast.

Whats there to worry about then? =]





But truth be told, this is probs just an illusion... until something shit happens again anyways.

Change

Its time for a change.

I can't stand life like this anymore.
Every time of the day i think of her, when i'm awake, when i sleep, when i dream.

Going after something impossible. Time wasting. Tiring.


Change.
Not just because of relationships, but of life. I'm bored of it.
Life should be inspirational, should have a meaning, should be ...fun?
I'm experiencing none of these. Is it because of my surroundings? my friends?

...me?

Frankly, i'm tired of life, seriously. You get a good degree, you find a job, you earn money, you grow up just to worry about earning money, you retire and you die.
I see no reason why i shouldn't be pessimistic about life. Sometimes i have no idea how some people can be smiling all the time. Is it that they experienced something bad before knowing the importance of positive thinking or are they just purely optimistic? Humans and the masks they wear to face life... unpredictable.

I do vaguely remember there was a time where i was living life purely for the sake of living, where i was happy without a care in the world. Should i just fuck everything else and just smile at the sun every morning? As fake as that maybe.

Change. I need one. Quickly.

Untitled.

How do you define a friend?
What is that line, when crossed, so that they become your friend?
Whatever happened to the word acquaintance, or a simple co-worker, or classmate?
Then where is the boundary that an acquaintance levels up to become your friend?

When they affect your life in a personal manner?

Can someone you never met in your life be a friend? Can you be a friend to someone who doesn't want to be friends with you? Can someone you've known for ten years be less of a friend than someone you've known for less than one?

Then why do we have different kinds of friends?
A .... friend? Those whom you just have fun and hang around with?
A close friend? Those whom you can share your mind with?
An old friend? Those whom understands you at the wink of an eye?
A girlfriend/boyfriend? That who becomes your most important friend, that you love and cherish?

Then what about a friend, close or not, that you haven't talked to in a long time? Do they just delevel back to a acquaintance? When does a friend becomes a close friend? How long does it take for a friend for you to determine that they're 'close'? What about if something happened to you and you want to share your feelings with your friends? Then you might not want to tell some of your other friends because you don't want them to worry; then which of these friends are the more important ones? Or when you have to make a decision between an old friend and your girlfriend? An old friendship that lasted for ten years or a love relationship that lasted for two?

Can you not just love a friend? a close friend? Is it not the same? You care and cherish for one another, just not intimately?
Then where is the line that when that love becomes intimate?

Or better said; What is love?

Love is an emotion, ideal, statement, process, form of trust, expression, inspiration, obsession.

Yet it still cannot be properly defined.

Then where is the line that when the term 'like' exceeds its meaning and that you had to use the word 'love'?

Lines. Boundaries. Limits.

The world is limitless. Boundless.
Lines blurred, definitions distorted.

The world is a giant distorted society blinded by what they percieve.
Nothing is certain in this world, nothing is concrete.
It is not a lie. It is just merely what people choose to believe.
Dreams. Reason. Insanity. Few of the many things that society created.

Words can only express so much.

Global Warming

Nothing what the leaders say are helping. A reduction in carbon emission doesnt mean the problem is stopping, you're just delaying the inevitable a few decades further down.

Heres an idea to help. Since the primary cause for global warming are human activities releasing gas emissions, why not just kill off half the humans everywhere? Since the population have been increasing exponentially in the recent years it stands to reason that they should fckin do something about birth control instead.

China wins here, way ahead of everyone.

Hell, i bet most of the world leaders know that this is one of the best solutions but all of them are just waiting for others to say it first.