Sometimes i just want to yell as loud as i can to a empty room. So loud that my throat will start to hurt. But no, that would be the end of my sanity.
These days, every fucking of these days i have to with stand people in my life; cocky assholes, ignorant fucks, inconsiderate asshats. Like every fucking other day i have to live in this society along side them, it makes me feel sick.
But since young i have learned that all attempts to ... address this issue is useless. Especially when you logically think about the behaviour, perspective, consequence...
Little does people know, i actually thought about suiciding when i was a kid, when i was 13 or so when my parents were never home. That i actually have to live in this fail world for at least half a century... what a bother. But in the end, people are not equal, and they will never be. There must be something negative to make positive things look good and vice versa. Perspective and behaviour-wise, its all about people's upbringings, how their parents teach them when they're young (or not teach them anything at all).
I remember my dad always used to tell me something that, if you do something wrong/bad when you're a kid, other people will never put the blame on you but on your parents instead. Because what you do reflects what your parents teaches you. I also remember him telling me that you must have a high EQ in life, in many cases, EQ is much more important than IQ. Ever since then i strive to maintain and control my negative emotions, but fuck its tiring. If not for this i'd probably be frequenting the hospital. But then all this is the past eh? I've already got used to it. Controlling your emotions blah blah blah meh, i just give up. On daily average i probably say 'Sorry' more than i say 'Hello' to people. Why bother? Some people see it as a sign of weakness, but its more like i don't give a shit about you people anymore just fuck off. Why bother talking back and arguing with people if one side can just back off and leave it be. Just because you're ignorant enough to not understand other people doesn't mean i should stand here and argue with you wasting my time to get my point through. If you keep on arguing your stress levels will just continue rising until you snap.
Nah fuck it, i don't know how to put it into words and i just can't be fucked to. I don't even know what point i was trying to get across in the first place. But man one day, one of these days i'm damn sure i'll fucking snap and someones gonna seriously hurt. Good thing thinking rationally is keeping me alive.
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